After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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