I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
