hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
