Just took my morning after pill in the library
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
