Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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