i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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