Slut skills are useful in every country.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
