I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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