i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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