just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
