birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
