U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
