Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
