Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
