Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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