and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
