Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
