It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
