Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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