You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
