Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
