hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
