and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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