Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
