hotel room ftw
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
