ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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