So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
