I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
