She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
