You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
