They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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