My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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