I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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