sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
