so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
