me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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