Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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