Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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