Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
