Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize
