I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
