your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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