i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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