Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
