Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
