It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
