I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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