I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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