You really coming over, don't trick.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
