thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
